Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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