dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
