you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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