Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My balls are so social today.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
