he thought i was a dude.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
