My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she peed on how many people?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'd cum for enchiladas.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
