You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
