the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
