i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
