I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My vagina is very pro this idea
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
