escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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