Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
