Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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