I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
