i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
