I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
