We named our party play list daddy issues
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize