I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
