My hand turned me down
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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