do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
