This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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