I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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