I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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