there's paper in my vomit.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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