I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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