Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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