hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
