did you get engaged???
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize