Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize