So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
