Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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