either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
