I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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