His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
