3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
