my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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