im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
