Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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