just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
