i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
