Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
