why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
