Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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