Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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