This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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