Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
