so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
