I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
