Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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