Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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