You're so nebulous sometimes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
