I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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