I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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