Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
