I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
