Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize