im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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