alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
