its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
