How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
