The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
