Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
