I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
