my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
