Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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