then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
