i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
