my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
