Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
