Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
