also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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