I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
