I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
