I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
