if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
