There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
