I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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