he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
