Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
