New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
