be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I could fuck to npr.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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