his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am available for nakedness
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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