I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
