i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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