he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
