there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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