he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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