and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
