all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
