I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
