He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
