he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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