Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
