you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
