i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
