All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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