The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize