The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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