you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you win again, gameday.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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