You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
