NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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