and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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