My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
