yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
