I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize