when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
