After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
