worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
