i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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