I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
