Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
