people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
