He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
