he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
