My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
