dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
